We are filled with our own rightness, our own autobiography. We want to be understood. Our conversations become collective monologues, and we never really understand what is going on inside another human being.
When another person speaks, we are usually ‘listening’ at one of four levels
We may be ignoring another person,, not really listening at all. We may practice pretending. “Yeah. Uh-huh. Right”. We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the conversation. We often do this when we are listening to the constant chatter of preschool child. Or we ay even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being used. But very few of us practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic listening.
Empathic listening is listening with intent to understand
Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is a form of agreement, a form of judgment and it is sometimes the more appropriate emotion and response. But people often feed on sympathy. It makes them dependent. The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it is that you fully, deeply understand that person emotionally as well as intellectually
Thursday 8 December 2011
Wednesday 7 December 2011
SELF RESPECT
Few days back I was talking to a friend of mine on SELF RESPECT and incidentally I could recollect the lines of William J. H. Boetcker , “That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong”
This self-respect and integrity, in turn produce in those who posses them the ability of both kind and courageous with other people: kind in that they show great respect and reverence for other people, their view, feelings, experiences and convictions; courageous in that they express their own convictions without personal threat. The interplay between differing opinions can produce those third alternatives that are better than that either person had initially proposed.
This is true synergy, where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts
People who do not live by the conscience will not experience this internal peace of mind. They will always find their ego attempting to control relationships. Even though they might pretend or feign kindness and empathy from time to time, they will use subtle forms of manipulations and will even go so far to engage in kind but dictatorial behaviour
The private victory if integrity is the foundation for the public victory of establishing common vision, discipline and passion. Leadership becomes interdependent work rather than immature interplay between strong independent, ego-driven rulers and compliant, dependent followers
This self-respect and integrity, in turn produce in those who posses them the ability of both kind and courageous with other people: kind in that they show great respect and reverence for other people, their view, feelings, experiences and convictions; courageous in that they express their own convictions without personal threat. The interplay between differing opinions can produce those third alternatives that are better than that either person had initially proposed.
This is true synergy, where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts
People who do not live by the conscience will not experience this internal peace of mind. They will always find their ego attempting to control relationships. Even though they might pretend or feign kindness and empathy from time to time, they will use subtle forms of manipulations and will even go so far to engage in kind but dictatorial behaviour
The private victory if integrity is the foundation for the public victory of establishing common vision, discipline and passion. Leadership becomes interdependent work rather than immature interplay between strong independent, ego-driven rulers and compliant, dependent followers
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