PERCEPTION AND CREDIBILITY

Perception and credibility problems may ultimately result in complicated knots, what we often call as “personality conflicts” or “communication breakdowns”.

Credibility problems are far more difficult to resolve, primarily because each of the people involved thinks he sees the world as it is rather that as he is. Unaware of the distortion in his own perception, his attitude is this: “If you disagree with me, in my eyes you are automatically wrong, simply because I am sure that I am right”.

Whenever we are “so right” as to make everyone who sees and thinks differently feel wrong, their best protection from further injury from us is to label us, to peg us, to put us behind mental and emotional bars for an indeterminate jail sentence, and we will not be released until we pay the “uttermost farthing”. Most credibility problems can be resolved if one or both of the parties involved will realise that at the root is a perception problem.

ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIOURS

Certain attitudes and behaviours are essential to clearing communication lines.

Attitudes

• I assume good faith; I do not question your sincerity or your sanity
• I care about our relationship and want to resolve this difference in perception. Please help me to see it from your point of view
• I am open to influence and am prepared to change

Behaviours

• Listen to understand
• Speak to be understood
• Start dialogue from a common point of reference or point of agreement, and move slowly into areas of disagreement

When these three attitudes and behaviours are acquired, almost any perception or credibility problem can be solved.

Often, once a person understands this, he will change his manner of speech.

• Instead of saying “this is the way it is” he will say “ this is how I see it”
• Instead of saying “ here it is” , he will say “In my view / opinion …”

When others judge us or disagree with us, our reply will be similar to the following in tone, if not in content “Good you see it differently. I would like to understand how you see it”

When we disagree with another, instead of saying, “I am right and you are wrong, we will say “I see it differently. Let me share with you how I see it”

Such language admits other people to human race by telling them “You matter too. Like mine your views and feelings are legitimate and respectable”